


"I'm on my way"

by LovingAlex



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Bickering, Christmas Eve, Christmas Special, Crack Treated Seriously, Deadpool being Deadpool, Holiday Special, Holidays, How Do I Tag, POV Peter Parker, cause deadpool logic, couldn't get it out of my head, just a little thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingAlex/pseuds/LovingAlex
Summary: Spidey needs Deadpool’s help while in the middle of a fight, but our resident ex-mercenary is a bit preoccupied...
Kudos: 2





	"I'm on my way"

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holiday season everyone! It's a tough one this year, but I'm rooting for you! I decided to post this early this year (I normally post holiday specials on the day of the holiday but whatever) cause I'm exhausted working holiday hours and know I'll prob forget the day of XD
> 
> Enjoy my first (published) foray into our crazy but lovable SpideyPool! <3

“Deadpool!” Spiderman calls, dodging a round spiked bell at the end of a rope of steel tinsel that swings over his head. Legit  _ metal _ tinsel. He’s surprised it still bends like it’s a normal plastic or paper mache one you can find everywhere this time of year. Stark would probably like to study it for possible help towards suit enhancements.

He could take it to his mentor when things are done here, but for now he has more pressing concerns.

“Yeah, uh huh,” comes the response from the red and black clad… anti-hero? Ex-mercenary with a mouth? Vigilante? Whatever you want to call Wade, he wasn’t being helpful. Peter had a long list of things to call him, but would rather like to keep things PG13 for now.

Spiderman jumps to the top of a streetlamp to avoid a snowglobe thrown at him. When it shatters on the ground, it explodes in a wave of white and silver shards of glass. Peter barely manages to refrain from getting hit by some. 

The nearby shop windows aren’t so lucky. Good thing the citizens hid or fled when this whole thing started. He sure hopes none of them got hit with any stray shrapnel.

It’s currently Christmas-freaking-Eve and instead of doing his last-minute shopping (cause Peter is busy and totally hasn’t been putting it off till the last available moment) he’s fighting a group of deranged goblin-looking things. The little pests are dressed up as weird, rotten elves. These things are definitely on the capital N Naughty List.

Peter almost wishes it was the actual Green Goblin and his odd minions. At least then he wouldn’t be subjected to whatever Christmas flavored monstrosity these things are. That and fighting them have become more of a chore than anything. These Christmas abominations are little bags of unpredictable chaos.

“ _ Deadpool!”  _ he calls more sternly, “Could use a little help over here!”

“I’m on my way sweetums,” Deadpool calls back distractedly.

In between dodges, Spiderman chances a quick glance in Deadpool’s direction. The older man stands a bit farther down the street, buying something at a small food cart.

He’s also pointedly  _ not _ heading over to help.

“I can see you. You’re literally not moving.”

Deadpool takes a paper basket thing overflowing with steaming little churros. Peter could smell the diabetes from where he was fighting the elf things. The older man shoves six churro ends in his mouth at once before replying around the sugary food. 

“I’m… hypothetically on my way…” Deadpool can barely be heard around the food in his mouth.

Spiderman narrowly misses getting his arm sliced off by… is that a candy cane scythe? What the fuck is up with these things?

Whatever crawled up their merry little asses and died, it didn’t matter. What matters is that he’s slowly losing from having to deal with all of their crazy at once. He’s taken down one already but it’s getting a little overwhelming having this dragged out.

He web-snatches a snowglobe tossed at him before it can break and slings it back at the elf-gremlin. The globe explodes on the ground in front of it, showering the thing with a wall of shrapnel. That makes two down, three more to go.

It’s then that what Deadpool said clicks in his head. “Wade! Seriously?!”

While he’s distracted, one of the other things manages to wrap a string of Christmas lights around one of Peter’s ankles. With a strong pull (way stronger than should be allowed for how tiny they are), his leg is thrown out from under him. He slams to the ground with a grunt.

“Shh baby boy, I gotta finish this first. Don’t want me choking on the job, do ya?”

The stupid holiday-themed menaces hook the Christmas lights over a streetlight cord, stringing Spiderman up by his ankle while his arms are too busy fighting off the others instead of untangling himself.

“I know from experience that you have no gag reflex. You could swallow those things whole without pause. Now come help me!!”

Deadpool places a gloved hand on his cheek like a delicate maiden in the 1800’s. “OOooo Spidey! How lewd! What will the children say?!”

Spiderman punches an elf-gremlin in the face before it can bite him with it’s sharp, crooked little teeth. He’s been bitten by enough questionable things in his lifetime, thanks. He’s then rewarded with another one gut punching him with a wooden nutcracker. Where the hell are they getting these things?

“YOU’VE DONE IT BEFORE, SHUT UP AND HELP OR AT LEAST SET IT TO THE SIDE!” This is getting ridiculous and he wants this ended  _ now _ .

Shoving a whole churro in his mouth, Deadpool takes out one of his guns and shoots the three remaining things in their legs with six consecutive shots. He then shoots the string of lights holding Spiderman up.

The poor hero wasn’t expecting it and lands in a heap on the ground.

“You okay there Spidey-boy?” the man asks innocently, finally sauntering over like the two just happened to run into each other while holiday shopping.

Peter’s whole body is sore as he uses what’s left of the Christmas lights to tie up the whimpering elf-gremlin things. It’s only once that’s done that he finally looks over to Wade again.

“I hate you so much.”

“Aw, love you too babe <3” he gives Peter a little heart using his thumb and index finger since one hand is busy holding what’s left of his basket of churros.

Spiderman glares at him even harder, eyes squinting to little slits.

Unperturbed, Wade holds out one of the few churros left. “Churro?”

Peter snatches it out of his hand, rolls his mask up to his nose, and takes a grumpy bite.

Fucking Christmas season.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you enjoyed! I plan on writing more of this dynamic...  
> *side eyes 4k worded kitten adopting fic I'm not even close to finishing and haven't worked on in forever*   
> ...Eventually.


End file.
